A healing story of Re-Unification
*as submitted by one of our members...
This is one of those true stories that I hope that no other parent will have to endeavor. These past eight years has been full of joy and sorrow, both for the same reason, my now eight year old son. I do not know what the real reason is behind all this pain. Whether it be a sick mother, a spiteful grandmother, societies perception, lack of the mediaís attention, the law or the lack of it, the politicians, the medical profession or even if it is simply ĎParental Alienationí or even ďMalicious Mother Syndrome. All I know is that I have been falsely accused of the worse possible crimes that any parent can have against them, physical abuse, neglect, metal abuse and sexual abuse on their son.
This is a true story of nothing but pain frustration, intimidation and lies. Over the past eight years I have gone through such pain it is still unfathomable how a mother can say such lies just to get the father out of the childís life. Why? I believe it is a case of, Ďnow that we are divorced I hate youí.
Before, my now eight your old son was born you would not of found a happier couple. However, when our son was born in January 2003 everything changed and all hell let loose. When he was two months old, mother decided to leave the household and go back home to her mothers, taking baby with her. Those first few months were so confusing on the all the questions of why, why me, one could not think straight at all. It had to come down to the legal system, hiring an attorney just for me to see my son, and the legal system does not work quickly. It took four months before we could get into see a judge so that I could start seeing my son again. Mother was simply not allowing me to have anything to do with him and wanted for me to out of his life forever. She was claiming that I was a poor father and neglected him. Now, he was only in my presence for two months, and any new parent will tell you it does take a lot of time to learn all the skills to be a good parent. When he was four months old Mother made a complaint to the Child protection services that I was molesting my two-month-old son at least twenty times a day. Now where that number came from I have no idea, a baby that age does not have his diaper changed that often, and it usually was mother that changed it. So for molesting him twenty times a day, not true and this was only the beginning of the lies.
Over the next few years the lies came hard, they came fast and they came furiously. I was accused of not feeding him when he was in my care. I was accused of feeding him foreign objects. I was accused of having no heat in my house. I was accused of all kinds of physical abuse, like kicking him in the behind, hitting him on the head with a stick, hitting him, burning his hand, slapping his face and other horrific kinds of physical abuse. I was accused of French kissing my son. I was accused of leaving whisker burns around my sonís pubic area. I was accused of doing drugs. I was accused of selling drugs. I was accused of driving drunk. I was accused of driving irrationally while the baby was in the car. Someone made a complaint to DMV about my driving habits, naming me as a the driver, so they must of known me and not just someone driving my car. DMV suspended my license without even talking to me, or asking any questions, they just suspended it on someone making a false report. I had death threat letters in the mail. An unknown person wearing a ski mask attacked me inside my own home. I was threaten by mother and her parents.
The police arrived at my house one afternoon on a report from Child Protection Services stating that I had a meth lab at my house. Now I do not know about you, but if I thought someone had a meth lab I would not have complained to child protection services I would have gone straight to the police. Before my son was six years old he had attended five different schools, had five different addresses, six councilors and four different doctors. The ex had at this point gone through six different attorneys. When she was not happy in getting what she wanted, she then moved on to the next professional, including councilors for our son. Until she found a councilor that believed her, and he started to report me to child protection services. He made reports that I sliced him with my sword. He made a report that I punched him in the chest. He made a report that I ran over him with my Jeep. Not once did he ever contact me to talk about my son. I wrote him eight letters asking to be involved in my sons so called therapy, but he refused to let me in, due to what mother was telling him.
In March 2007 I was accused of sexual abuse. My ex claimed that I put a stick up my sonís anus. This involved the police and a formal investigation. The Child Protections services, an abuse clinic and the Emergency room at the local Hospital are all involved. While the investigation is going on, I am not allowed to see my son. After a week of investigation it is determined that nothing happened to my son, and the police allowed me to start seeing him again. However, mother had other ideas. She said no, and filed with the courts, asking me not to be allowed near my son due to the sexual abuse. The judge after listening to everything said this is not so, mother to pay fathers attorneys bill thank you very much have a nice day. He also made a statement that it is clear that mother is willing to say anything to get me out of our sonís life.
In May 2009 I was arrested for physical abuse. I was accused of punching him in the morning and beating his back in the afternoon. On the Thursday before my weekend visit, our son fell out of a tree while in motherís custody. Friday I pick him up. Sunday I take him back. On Monday mother made a report that I punched him in the face and look at all the other bruises on his body. Wednesday I am arrested. In the police report mother claims that I am planning to kidnap my son and I have threaten to kill all of motherís family. It also claims that I tried to run over motherís mother with my car. It claims that I have sliced my son with a sword and several other ridiculous accusations. Yet I am arrested on four counts of abuse.
I get in front of the judge who just happened to be the same judge we have seen over the past six and half years. I ask for a court appointed attorney due to being unemployed and having no money. The judge then appoints the same attorney who has been with me for the past six years as my court appointed attorney. It was clear to me that this judge wanted me to have every chance of justice I could.
After a couple of months of not seeing my son my attorney gets the local D A to agree to supervised visits. After about six weeks of this, the charges are dropped. As it was I could of gone to jail for twenty years for the so called physical abuse.
Only three weeks go by after the charges are dropped and my sonís councilor reports to Child Protections Services that I punched my son again, but this time in the chest. That was the last straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I filed for full custody claiming that mother is unfit, as she will not co parent and wants father out of a little boys life. This was December of 2009. In March 2010 mother makes another police report that I placed a stick up my son's butt again. So we have four different days in court starting in April 2010 and the last one being ion September 2010. In December of 2010 the local judge from Polk County Oregon, the same judge as for the past seven years awards me sole custody of my son. He makes statements that mother is on a campaign to get me out of our sonís life. He makes a statement that mother is unfit to be a mother and if she continued to be the custodial parent he fears the outcome.
There are obviously many many more details to this true story. There are many tears that have fallen, and there are many other false accusations. However, the outcome came down to an eight year battle in court with over a hundred thousand dollars being spent on my attorneys fees, and a judge that saw through all the lies of a mother who now wanted nothing to do with the father. Parental Alienation is here. PA is very painful. PA is very expensive, monetary wise and emotionally wise. PA needs to be out in the media more than it is now. PA needs a lot more research. PA needs to be looked at by the lawmakers of society. PA needs to stop for the sake of our kids, and that my friend is the real crime here. It is only our kids that will suffer, and they are the one thing we, as parents and society should be protecting. Therefore, if you know some one in the middle of a divorce please please help them to keep their kids in mind at all times, and do the best thing for the kids together, as parents.